Holiday Gifts

Christmas hasn't exactly happened yet, but friends have already thrust gifts upon me.

"I just knew this was for you the minute I saw it," my friend Nancy said at the end of lunch, handing over a large shopping bag with red tissue poking out.  
"You really shouldn't have," I said. 
"Go ahead," she said. "open it." There was a joyous beam in her eyes as I pulled from that red tissue an antique wooden cutting board shaped like a pig. 

Ho ho ho: my longtime nickname to her now adult grandson has always been Piggé, a doesn't infringe the copyright version of Miss Piggy. Too bad I'd just said, "You really shouldn't have,"  because I already had two pig cutting boards exactly like it. In fact, she'd helped me buy the first.

"Well," she said when I mentioned that last fact, "now you can stack them. That's sometimes very nice, to show your stuff in stacks."  Just what I always wanted: a third pig shaped cutting board to create a stack to show off. 

My friend Joan's gift was easier to... how shall I put it?... recycle. "Just a little something," she said, "that felt appropriate for you." Out of a much smaller bag of tissue paper I pulled three sets of antique postcards from San Francisco-- flea market finds. "Oh thank you," I said. Just what I always wanted: antique postcards of Coit Tower and the Golden Gate Bridge.

Joy to the world. We're in the thick of that time of year we officially get to think about others. Generosity is in. Generosity is a Buddhist practice, the art of caring about others. It is a virtue to be polished. So here's a warm welcome for generosity. But let us also remember that true generosity is caring enough to figure out what to give that people actually need to get to ease their suffering. A third pig cutting board? Anybody for last year's bottle of fig vinegar?

Right now, billions and billions of dollars are morphing into tons and tons of stuff: gourmet Whoopie pies from Maine, Hermes scarves from Paris, mini iPads from Apple. Millions looking for the meaning of life or the way to just get through the day are merely going to get a wine decanter or a singing jewelry box to add to their frustrations. This is for me?!? What were they thinking? Oh Joy, more stuff to regift.  Helluva word that regift.


Welcome to Samsara in all its glory. How insanely this glittery season of thanks and giving bends generosity out of shape. Whipped to frenzy by our priests-- the seers and fortune sellers of the media, economy and politics-- who painstakingly read the tea leaves, oops I mean the cash register receipts, to determine the future health of the country, able-bodied citizens fight to shop so the country doesn't drop. Who didn't see all those proud TV shots of people pushing and shoving their way into the stores during the pre-sunrise hours of Black Friday? I can't wait to find out what national omens antique postcards and cutting boards turn out to be.

We're now totally brainwashed to believe a flat screen TV or the latest perfume is all it takes to make us better. Over and over we vote against our own self-interest by relentlessly shopping. You know the definition of insanity: doing the same thing again and again and expecting a different result.

So here's the real ho ho ho of these holidays. if you believe the new books and talk show programs and slick magazine covers, the latest, hottest must have, that which is most sought after by most people to make them feel better, isn't something to charge, wrap up and hand out. Nope, not a new pair of Uggs. Nope, not a lifetime supply of pears from Harry and David. Nope, not a book from some phony life coach on how to bend the world to your will.  But yes, it is a gift. A bit of an antique to boot. Despite the mountains of stuff people now have--and these are Himalayan high mountains, what they don't have and really want is Happiness. 

Maybe they can find that in their private plane or personal fitness or Sri Lanka which gave us the word "serendipity." Maybe if they do, they can even charge it on their uranium card and stash the receipt in their $800,000 commode. People used to shopping for and getting what they want seem to think happiness is that easy to acquire. Think: life coach. Think: Hedge fund. Think: Zoloft pill. 

I'm over it, the having, and think: being. Think: Dharma.  The Buddha has become my life coach and hedge. I am not ashamed to tell anyone who asks that Buddhism was truly a gift, the best one I ever got because it made my life livable. For starters, it illuminated my own experience, showing me how years of charging through the glittering aisles of Saks Fifth Avenue or owning high-end condos or raising puppies did nothing to ease my considerable suffering. It taught me the uselessness of things.


So, I may not be thankful for the gifts my friends sometimes hand me and am all out honest when I say: "You really shouldn't have." But I am writing to say I am deeply and steadfastly grateful to have friends who reach out to me as one of the others they want to care for.  That sublime human connection is the perfect and priceless gift of happiness any time of year.



~Sandy Garson "Wordsmithing to attest how the Dharma saved me from myself!"
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